Keep 'Em Close

I have a terrible poker face.

Well, only partially. I have a hard time remembering the differences between straights and flushes and what exactly trumps what, so it's usually pretty easy to tell when I think I might have something good because I'm scratching my head. On the other hand, my face barely registers emotion most of the time. I'm not quite sure how this happened, the rest of my family is quite active with their faces, but unless I'm having one of the best days of my life my lip won't even curl. It's so bad that I can tell if I had a really good day because my face hurts from smiling more than it's used to.

This attribute is not nearly as useful as one may think. I often find that people think that I am unhappy or that I dislike them because I don't smile. 9 times of out of 10 I actually like the person and I just feel comfortable enough around them that I don't have to pretend to smile in order to make them comfortable. I often wonder how many people have thought about talking to me only to be rebuked by my lack of facial notification.

In the end I like my natural tendency though. It gives my smiles a much more genuine feel, and those that know me can easily tell when I'm really having a good time. I guess it's the same reason why I am loathe to abuse swear words, I prefer their impact to remain at a high level, smiling frequently would weaken the expression's power. It also helps in the classroom, as I look like I am very studious at all times. More importantly, however, is the fact that it doesn't put my emotions out there for others to read. When I dislike a teacher they get the same fake smile I used when I didn't know anything about them, so they don't gain the bias that can so dangerously affect my grades. Comparing this to most of my friends who will actively explain to a professor how much they dislike them and I can only wonder if my inability to show emotions quickly or easily causes me the think through my emotions more than others. That, perhaps I have more time to recognize my emotions and to foresee their affects/effects. Of course it could just come from my learning to deal with my anger problems.

Still, I do have to wonder. So many of the students I see at school are so open about how they feel, it's like looking at a picture book when I'm used to reading through academic texts. Is this emotional outburst a bonus to humanity, or are we losing something with the transition. I can see students who look like they're on the verge of tears over a scraped knee, yet even my friends aren't aware of when I'm in pain unless I choose to actively show it.

Perhaps, as I get closer to the end of my time at this institution, I am beginning to see the students in a more childish view. That I am finally ready to leave behind this immaturity. That may explain why I feel so critical of the student body lately, and yet... I feel that my generation is woefully unprepared to take on the burden of responsibility. I fear some terrible war will break out on American soil, because I know that perhaps only a couple dozen of the thousands on my campus will be anything more than a hindrance in such a situation. I worry, because I feel that my campus is one of the more mature undergraduate student bodies in the nation, and when they make me feel like I'm sitting in class with a bunch of preschoolers...

So, how is your poker face?

P.S. Both John McCain and Barack Obama have terrible poker faces, they're as easy to read as Charlotte's Web.