Triumphant Return

If you've been following my blog over the last few weeks you've most likely noticed that my posts, when I write them, have been fairly succinct and not of particularly high quality. I have publicly blamed this one school and the general business of my life, but that is a half-truth. To be honest over the past two months or so, I have had a very hard time writing and began to feel that it was a chore, rather than as something I truly enjoyed. So, instead of writing well-written, clearly thought-out posts I've been dashing a few lines off and leaving my computer to go play video games or take a nap.

Then this last week happened.

The weekend before last I was able to go sailing with my family, an act I haven't done in over three years, and for perhaps the first time in at least as much time I felt at ease. I wasn't trying to impress someone, when I was helping out on the boat (which was surprisingly not very often thanks to my brother's seemingly boundless energy) it was with a feeling of generosity and a desire to real work rather than to keep everyone happy with me, and most importantly, I felt completely comfortable around my brother.

I love my brother, and aside from a few select moments, I always have. However, for the past few years I've felt distant from him. I could feel the awkward silences between us and felt that rush of embarrassment to cover them up with stilted dialogue. This last time I saw my brother I didn't feel that at all, I just felt like we were brothers again, and it was really nice to have that back.

Aside from this I've been re-playing Persona 3, and aside from remembering what a good game it is, I've been remembering all of the lessons it taught me about life the first time I played through it. I had forgotten to enjoy life, that my time is inherently limited and I should do everything I can to become who I want to become and do what I want to do. I had forgotten that lesson, and like all students I had to be taught it again, and will probably have to do so again several more times in the future, but at least I know where a good teacher is.

Finally last night ended with me staying up until two in the morning revising a poem I had written. I'm not a terribly huge fan of poetry, but as a creative writing major I have to take advanced writing poetry, and my assignment for today was to bring in a poem that I had taken to workshop and revised. The poem I decided to re-work was the first poem I had written for this course, and had slapped together an hour before class because I had almost forgotten about it. The original was serviceable enough, it had a slight nursery rhyme slant to its sound, but there were numerous mistakes and errors in its beat and rythmn. Because I had to head to school early today, and it was about 7 P.M. when I started the revision I had no intentions of truly revising this poem, and was merely going to give it a minor facelift, call it good, and head to bed after I finished my other homework.

This didn't happen.

I spent the next four or five hours poring over the poem, reading it aloud over and over until, finally, I felt that it sounded right to me. The first thing I noticed was how much time had passed, the second that I had barely felt like fifteen minutes had gone by, then I realized how happy I felt. I had regained my joy of writing, and all it took was a little coffee, a little music, and a crappy poem.

After I finish this final paragraph I am going to go work on a project that I have been putting off ever since I returned to school this semester. This project is perhaps the most important thing I will do this year, but I couldn't get myself to devote time to it. Now, thanks to a sailboat, my family, a video game, and a no-longer shitty poem I can finally get to work on creating my future, and I couldn't be more excited about it.

Until I write again, Vale et Valete!