Probably even stranger was that finally realizing this fact didn't scare me, to be perfectly honest I actually felt myself calmed and comforted by this fact. Part of this was from losing the anxiety that the game was building up for me; I knew that my character was going to die someday, and every one of his friends knew this as well, so it didn't matter that they couldn't win, they would still be living, at least for that moment. The other part did come from me though. I suddenly realized what an amazing life I have led up to this point and I honestly have only one regret so far. That one regret, that one thing that I wish I could change, is that I've never had a girlfriend.
My saying this isn't a desperate plea, and don't take it the wrong way, it's not the desire to "own" a girlfriend, or some kind of bragging right. What I mean is that I want to experience a relationship, the closeness that brings to people together like this, and the feeling of honestly being happy just because someone else is. There's only one thing stopping me in rectifying this one regret, and that's me. If I said it once, I will say it a million times, but was there some day in middle-school where all the boys were taken aside and taught how tostart conversations with girls and make them their girlfriends (yes I know how it actually works, and yes I know that the girl has a part in this process, but that doesn't get rid of this feeling), and I just happened to be sick. In reality, my problem is that I'm terrible at just going up and talking to people (though especially cute/hot/beautiful/mildly attractive girls). Honestly I almost didn't start talking to the people who become my closest friends at UPS just because I sucked so much at starting to talk to people (and two of them were my roommates)!
Unfortunately, this is just one of the base problems in my nature, and if anybody has ever tried to change something they really hate about themselves, then they know just how hard it can be. I am, however getting better! Last semester I was ready to ask out the cute girl who served bacon at the cafeteria at UPS, but she disappeared before I could, but I found her again, and I swear by next Tuesday at the latest, I will ask her out!
Also this link is entirely topical to this subject, plus Groundhog Day, one of my favorite movies, though it is a little sad to see that the movie was the high point in that writer's career.
-Cory Ragsdale
P.S. The title of this post is a quote taken from the ending song of Persona 3, a game so amazing that I am currently trying to figure out how to condense it into a two-hour format so that I can show it to every single person I know.
2 comments:
Heh, this made me think of the day in PE in middle school when we were doing swing dancing and all the boys had to ask a girl to dance with them. If I recall correctly, you and I (and maybe Alex Krauss?) all managed to hide in the locker room for the duration of that activity and successfully avoided it.
Hell, I've always had the shit scared out of me when it comes to the idea of approaching a girl who I have some interest in, so I'm just glad I've only had to do it once :D
I still don't know where I got the courage to do that from, but I'm fairly certain it was just a mix of confidence and willingness to deal with the consequences. So this is what I have to say to you. Don't doubt yourself: I believe that to have any chance of it working you have to recognize that you're an awesome person with a lot to offer. It helps to be able move forward with confidence and not second-guess every action you take or you'll either chicken out or come across as very awkward.
The other thing is this: If it doesn't work out, while it would suck, it's not a big deal. Make your peace with the prospect of failure beforehand and tell yourself that you'll rebound from it and be fine before too long. That said, don't give up hope!
I had completely forgotten about that, haha, now I really wish I hadn't his in the bathroom (though that was really freaking mean just putting us into lines and having to ask in front of everybody). I think I've got it all under control, but tomorrow is going to be the real test when I ask out the cute girl who serves bacon at our cafeteria.
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